Friday, May 25, 2007

I love my airhorns

The first thing I acquired for the Rav when we got it was some airhorns. Triples for $35, what a deal. I was sick of the "meep" you hear constantly from poofy little car horns that people have a habit of using instead of opening their mouths, ie. "I'm home", "I've just driven past your house" (now that one really shits me), and my favourite "Get out of my fucking way dipshit!"

Nowdays you hear a horn and most of us dont even look to see what it was about. That could be a problem if you walk in front of a car, but hey, thats your bloody fault.

So, air horns were a logical step. I dont excessively use the horns, its normally only in replacement for some verbal abuse but is occasionally accompanied by a hail of nastiness, my favourite words being "fuckwit", "tosser", and "stupid old ****" (the last one gets quite a bit of a workout on our local tourist strip and on pension thursdays).

I must admit, since finishing up at work to stay home and look after the kid, my patience is getting thinner with other people's driving. When I was in a company car 8 hours a day it is generally a bad career move to start abusing someone, even though most of the time they deserve it. I got into a usual zombie like state when driving for work, the many-a-day experience of being cut off or witnessing stupidity usually only got no more than a under-the-breath muttering of "idiot", and that was on in a particularly bad situation.

Nowdays, I am lucky to hit 20km a week, and most of them are with the kid in the car. I think the protectiveness gene has kicked in, and is getting on quite nicely with the low-tolerence gene. (I believe they are soon to expect a little "dont fuck with me" gene). Maybe for that reason I am slightly wary of using the airhorns, mainly for the fact that the pigs would ream me a new one if given the chance, and christ knows what ugly 7 foot bastard hells angel I might accidentally pick a fight with.

However I do on the odd occasion get those few chances to make an ear shattering statement through the horns. Last week, on one of my outings with the young fella, I was driving slowly through our local Coles car park. Now, Recliffe has its fair share of bogans and dipshits, flanellette shirts and jeans are worn by a fair percentage of the fashion victims in the area. No offence to flannelette shirts, I have a few myself, but dude, they arent coffee shop attire, ok?
Anyways, this dickhead in a red Falcon who was parked in a loading zone out the front decided to take off in a blaze of glory, without even looking to see that I was bearing down on his right side. By the way, the Rav looks quite a bit bigger than the usual Ravs due to the huge alloy bullbar at the front. I could see by the bad haircut, lit smoke hanging halfway out of his mouth, and the flanny, that this guy probably got his licence on Ebay.

There was that glimmer in my mind of "thankyou god" (no, I'm not religious, but whatever god will listen..thankyou) when this turd just kept coming. Of course I thought I should do the polite thing and let him go, but my arrogance and his stupidity got in the way when I slapped myself for considering letting this prick get away with it.

I nice two second blast on the horns got more than the required result. As if in slow motion, the cigarette was spat at the windscreen and bounced off to somewhere in the car, his head hit the ceiling, and I'm sure his eyeballs hit his 1980s era government issue glasses. For the first time all day a smile was on my face. The other driver however did try to get the last word in and with a breaking voice screamed "Fucking idiot!"...heh.

More to follow.....

1 comment:

gotta luv me! :) said...

Not to mention the idiots who don't check to see if there's any traffic coming when faced with a give way sign before they merge with other traffic.